You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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