Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
