Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
