i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
