I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
