he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
