yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
