I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
