Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
