Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She bit a glass in half.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
