So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
