BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
