I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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