apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
