Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Enjoy the penises
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
