It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
