i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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