i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
