what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
