Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
