I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
