i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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