Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
