So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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