I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
