and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
