I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
