I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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