I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
