Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
