i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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