im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
