Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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