I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
