I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
