we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
