And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
