i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
