Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
