Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
