he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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