I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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