Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
