how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dear god my vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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