ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
