He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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