I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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