But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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