she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
