i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
