I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
